made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I use my feet as sexual weapons
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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