How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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