they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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