My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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