I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
