I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
