I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
