I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
