Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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