I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
