If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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