Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
