At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize