what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize