I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
