i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
sex in a hospital.. check
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
