You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
