Pants 0. Shit 1.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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