i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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