he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
