before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
