my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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