I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She announced her abortion via fbk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
