I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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