Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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