Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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