i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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