I think my fart just growled at me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize