I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
