u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
