I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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