I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
