I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize