I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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