Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
