Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
