You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
