Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
