I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I enjoy the company of your penis
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
