Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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