apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
