sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize