Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
