She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
