i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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