He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
