At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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