Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize