She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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