Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
