singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
