Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
