You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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