my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
