What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
