That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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