Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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