I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
home. puking in laundry basket.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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