awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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