i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
