I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize