just tell him i said nine months
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize