who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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