Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
