i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
