I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
