I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
