things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
