I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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